["Let Inga Tell You," La Jolla Light, published April 27, 2026] 2026
This is Part Three of a three-part series of excerpts from memos I sent to parents as team manager of my younger son Henry s Lasers soccer team. As much as I whine about technology, it was infinitely more difficult to manage youth sports in the pre-internet, pre-cell phone, pre-Google Maps era.
April 1
Memo to: Lasers Soccer parents
From: Inga, Team Manager
(1) Hotel Reservations for State Cup
Don't forget to call the Embassy Suites in Brea to make your hotel reservation! The reservation is under La Jolla Lasers Soccer Team.
(2) Request from Coach Trevor #1
He would like to remind every one of the barbarians, er, lads to bring a ball to soccer practice, even if coming straight from a baseball game.
(3) Request from Coach Trevor #2
Coach Trevor wants to know if the team would like him to return to coach us again next year (starting in August). I should mention that he broached this subject before our disastrous games in Chula Vista today so if he suddenly claims no knowledge of this query... Anyway, it's something he wants us to think about and hopes to have a meeting about it at State Cup. The requirement for him would be that the boys have a different commitment for the spring season than they had this year. I think this means that baseball players need not apply. No, just that players that also play the b-word sport would be willing to miss more b-word games than they have this year. As in, all of them.
April 13
Memo to: Lasers Soccer parents
From: Inga, Team Manager
(1) This could actually be my last memo. (But don't count on it; it's so hard to let go of a captive audience.) Just wanted to remind people of a couple of details, mainly that if anyone knows of any outstanding debts this team owes, or thinks they should be reimbursed for something, speak now or forever hold your receipt. I want to close out our account for the year as soon after State Cup as possible.
(2) If you need to find me at the Embassy Suites: (a) finding me under Henry's last name/my former married name will get you nowhere. (b) Most of you know my significant other, Olof, who will probably get there before me (since he is coming from L.A.). But for those who don't, he just hates being treated like a mugger-rapist-child molester pervert who hangs around hotel lobbies trolling for soccer players. So yes, he belongs there. (c) This broken home stuff is really the pits.
See you Saturday!
Thursday, April 14
Urgent Phone Tree Message from Inga, Team Manager
Re: STATE CUP FIELD LOCATION HAS BEEN CHANGED!
Please call and leave a message on my home answering machine that you received this information!
Last night Thursday - at 9:30 p.m., the State Cup Director called me and said, "I'm sorry to give you such short notice, but we re changing your State Cup location for Saturday." Then he put me on hold for three minutes. This, fortunately, gave me ample time to get completely hysterical, so by the time he came back on the line, I was able to instantly launch into a full diatribe: ("Are you KIDDING? Dream ON! We're NOT moving! Forget it! If you're sending us back to Bakersfield, we forfeit! You've got the wrong number! This is not the La Jolla Lasers; they have moved and left no forwarding address. If you think after all this you re still going to get Shelley [hot team Mom whose body had been offered to keep us from playing in Bakersfield] etc. etc."
Fortunately, they are just moving our entire bracket to another field in Brea, to Brea Olinda High School. Since a number of you are driving up on Saturday and going straight to the field, I need everyone to confirm with me that they received this new information as there is no way for us to find out where you are if you go to the old field. For those staying at the Embassy Suites on Friday, the National Science Foundation's copier and I will have produced new maps and directions. All playing times and opponents remain the same.
April 30
Memo to Lasers Soccer Parents
From: Inga, soon-to-be-ex team manger (woo-hoo!)
I swear this really really is the last memo you'll get from me. And this one bears good news!
$$$$$$$$MONEY$$$$$$$
You are getting a refund! The reasons for this are: (a) we added another player (b) unbelievably, everyone paid up (and my cousin Guido didn't even have to threaten them that hard) (c) the Embassy Suites was cheaper than the place we were going to stay in Bakersfield so coach expenses were less, BUT (d) we ended up having to pay for referees at State Cup which I hadn't expected. HOWEVER, (e) we saved ref fees on the one game the other team forfeited, NEVERTHELESS Coach Trevor drove so we had to pay him gas mileage.
The checks - made out to Moms and in denominations suitable for a nice lunch or a massage - are for varying amounts of money. This is due to the fact that everyone paid me a slightly different amount of money (some in blocks, some rounding off my request to the nearest $10 etc.) Some forgot how much I asked for and just sent me mysteriously-odd amounts of money (and hey, I wasn't proud, I took it.) The bottom line is that everyone was charged the same expenses from the time they joined the team. The accounting firm of Price Waterhouse has reviewed this account and OK, maybe not. But if you have questions, call me.
I also want to take this opportunity to thank you all (a) for the gift certificate to Georges at the Cove and (b) that it wasn't a Thigh Master. Henry has even talked his way into being included in the Georges meal. It occurred to me that he ought to know that there are actually restaurants where you don't yell your order through the mouth of a clown. (Could be risky; he might want to go to one of the Georges places again.) So, thanks it was really kind of all of you.
And as the saying goes that's all folks!
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