Dear Lasers Soccer Parents - Part 2

["Let Inga Tell You,"  La Jolla Light, published April 20, 2026] 2026

This is Part Two of a three-part series of excerpts from memos I sent to parents as team manager of my younger son Henry's Lasers soccer team. It was infinitely (understatement) more difficult in the pre-internet, pre-cell phone, pre-Google Maps era.

March 14

Memo from: Inga, Team Manager

To: Lasers Soccer parents 

Oh, no! She s back! And I ll bet she wants money! Right on both counts.

I need to start collecting money. ASAP. Since wringing checks out of you guys tends to be a time-consuming job, I am hoping to collect the rest of the season's fees all in one check. Suffice to say, if we have money left over, you will each get a pro-rated refund. So by my hopefully-correct calculations, attached is a breakdown of the total which includes Coach Trevor's fees for March and April, plus his hotel and transportation expenses for State Cup. I really need a check from each of you as soon as possible. Please (please please) don't make me call you 15 times. As my kids will testify (hopefully not in court; we're working out the terms), I can get very grumpy when provoked. A reminder to only call my work number if it is really really important and/or good news.

March 24

Memo to: Lasers Soccer Parents

From: Inga, Team Manager

(1) Money

I still have not received checks from five people. I hate having to call people and nag them for money. Hence my new team policy:

NO PAY, NO PLAY

So either send me a check (if you haven't already) or call me with a story so piteous that I cry uncontrollably for at least five minutes. And good luck with that. Keep in mind that I am a divorced working mom earning just above minimum wage in an entry-level job. I have a heart of stone. So: NO EXCEPTIONS, including and especially, "It's in the mail."

(2) State Cup

I called the nice State Cup people again this morning as they had promised me details about dates, times, and location of our games by "mid-March."  When I called earlier this month, I offered them my body to change our location from Bakersfield to Allen Field in La Jolla where games in our bracket are actually being played. Unfortunately, a request like that would require more like Shelley s [hot mom on the team] body than mine. [Shelley - call me.] Anyway, their nice recording says that the packets of team assignments are going out by "March 28." The National Science Foundation (who pays me and provides a photocopier) and I will get this information to you as soon as possible.

March 28

Memo to Lasers Soccer parents

From: Inga, Team Manager

Re: There IS a God

OK, so we knew that. But He/She speaks in mysterious ways. Despite the State Cup folks continued insistence that we would be playing in Bakersfield, they have assigned us to Brea, the northern-most community in Orange County. Shelley -  if you had anything to do with this, thank you! And Bill for lending out Shelley. Way to take one for the team! I don't know about the rest of you, but not having to drive to Bakersfield again has renewed my will to live. Our games, you will note from the schedule, are on Saturday, April 16 at 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. and on Sunday at 11 a.m. I also taped onto the schedule their charmingly cryptic directions to the field. I will be getting you a more detailed map of both Brea and our hotel before the game. Please note that if we win our bracket, we do go to Bakersfield the next weekend (April 23-24). Far be it from me to ever suggest throwing a tournament but half of our team is also playing baseball now.

Given the shortness of time available, I contacted the travel agency that is handling hotels for any teams that want their help and in hopes of not reliving the Irving Thanksgiving Hotel Horror of two years ago (80 soccer teams staying at a 17-story high-rise with only king size beds available; the elevator fiasco and the fire we won t go into), told them we wanted something that not more than four other teams are staying at and that there was ample choice of types of beds (including the availability of rollaways.) I called back later today and they'd forgotten who I was/what I wanted and said, "You vant [sic] Bakersfield, right?"

So I called and discovered there is an Embassy Suites in Brea. Working on a rate with them.

BTW, I still haven t received checks from a few people. Tomorrow's memo lists your names!

March 29

Memo of the Day to Lasers Soccer parents

From: Inga, Team Manager

Hotel Information for State Cup in Brea

We are actually going to stay at the Embassy Suites in Brea! There are a couple of qualifications, however. They are primarily a business hotel and so don't want unsupervised kids in rooms by themselves - at least any that they know about and that are causing trouble. They also don't want high-density rooms due to the free breakfast. (If they knew how much these kids eat, it would definitely be a deal breaker.) I'm not suggesting that you lie, but when they ask how many people will be in the room, you might want to develop amnesia about any number over four. In fact, they want a parent or at least a parent of record in every room which I didn't foresee as a problem. I assured them that we are a very sedate, well-mannered family-style group that has hardly ever been ejected from a hotel before.

Money (sigh, always money)

The State Cup people just informed me that we have to pay the ref after each game. Cash. So after all this careful budgeting, I may need to ask you for more money. This makes it more imperative than ever that EVERYONE gets their money to me as soon as possible! I just hate to think of poor Coach Trevor up there in Brea sleeping in his car and eating dog food. I imagine Coach Trevor hates to think of it too. So you know who you are pay up!

[Stay tuned for Part 3 of Dear Lasers Soccer Parents next week!]