This is a collection of my Let Inga Tell You newspaper columns, plus blog posts and favorite publications. You can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org or visit me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ingatellsall.
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Inga Tells All: A saga of single parenthood, second marriage, surly fauna, and being mistaken for a Swedish porn star
time to time, my husband has observed, “it must be really hard living inside
your head.” Alas, this is often true. I wish brains could have a turn off
switch where you could say, “OK, we’re done for today! Do not even think
of contacting me again until at least 7 a.m.” But my brain just never wants to
quit. Around 2 a.m. I wake up and start pondering both ponderables and
imponderables. They just won’t go away no matter what tricks I use to get them
to shut up.
both the good news and the bad news is that a lot of these issues can be
answered without even getting out of bed if you have your Smart Phone plugged
in on the bedside table. But looking things up in the middle of the night is a
slippery slope. Once your phone has seduced you to turn it on, you suddenly
need to check the weather, email, your favorite advice column, the latest
news. Then you’re truly never going back to sleep.
are a few things I have recently pondered late at night:
is the difference between flotsam and jetsam?
Why don’t Eskimos have scurvy?
What did the appendix used to do before it became an obsolete organ?
When TV commercials get cut off in the middle, which they often do, does the
advertiser still have to pay?
do international political conflicts among countries always seem reminiscent of
youth soccer teams?
What percentage of the bandwith is taken up with selfies?
Numerous books have been written by people who purport to have come back from
heaven. Why hasn’t anyone come back from hell?
What does the dog think when it sees you naked?
Is it truly darkest before dawn?
Why can’t a woodchuck chuck wood?
What IS a woodchuck, anyway?
How can there be fat-free Half & Half?
How many angels CAN dance on the end of a pin and why exactly do we care?
How can so many writers all be “New York Times No. 1 Bestselling Authors”?
If you really like Couple A and you really like Couple B, why do Couples A and
B never hit it off at your dinner party?
Can you have two colds at once? If you already have a cold then someone you
know has a cold too but with different rhinoviri, can you get their cold as
(17) Why do dogs sleep so much? (18) How did early man keep from freezing to death in cold climates, even with fire? (19) Are clams really happy?
Why is the plural of moose “moose” and not mooses or meese? (Think
most puzzling of all:
Why does melted cheese taste so much better than the same cheese at room
think you’ll agree that no one could sleep with all that circulating among
their circuits. There is not room
to answer even all the answerables on this list, but here is the result of my
(daylight hours) research on a few:
is debris deliberately thrown in the water; flotsam was not.
is enough Vitamin C in raw meat and fish to prevent scurvy.
appendix’ possible function was to help early humans digest plant cellulose,
like tree bark.
dogs that sleep 22 hours a day have nothing else to do.
are actually the same as groundhogs and are herbivores who have no interest in
phrase is actually “happy as a clam in high water,” i.e. high tide where
it is protected from hungry humans. Clams’ actual mental state has never been
scientifically assessed, even by NIH.
is likely derived from an Algonquin language that didn’t have plurals; also,
the English language just has tons of annoying exceptions designed to annoy
foreigners learning our language and native speakers as well.
is only darkest before dawn in the human psyche; scientifically, it is darkest
at the midpoint between dusk (sundown) and dawn (sunrise).
for Hell, it probably has those tire shredder things so that once you’re in,
you can’t back out.
you can have two colds at once; it’s called “co-infection. The “fat” half of
Half & Half was replaced with corn syrup.
Couple A and Couple B didn’t hit it off at your dinner party is truly one of
political conflicts have exactly the same dynamics as youth soccer teams:
constantly changing teams and alliances.
have evolved to prefer smoothness, gooeyness and warmth in food, the essence of
You don’t want to know what the dog thinks when it
sees you naked.